The "Change"

Remember when All In The Family was on? During one season, Edith was going through 'the change of life' and Archie wanted no part of it. He finally looked at her and told her..."Ok...now CHANGE already!"....Oh if it were that easy.

I am now on a first name basis with the 7 Dwarfs of Menopause:

There should be 9. They left out Leaky and Weepy.

The thing is...I shouldn't even be discussing this...much less living it. Due to my PCOS (See....."Let's Call This My PSA" from June 16, 2011), when I got fixed in 1995, I got totally fixed. None of the plumbing left at all. Definitely no troublemaking ovaries to cause this bunch to come try to run my life now. My friend Donna said I've taken being 'green' to new levels with my free-ranging hormones.

In case you haven't had the 'pleasure' of their company yet, allow me to introduce you.

Itchy. I have found myself scratching places I didn't even know I had. You'd think I had poison ivy. Medicated powder doesn't help. Lotion doesn't help. Vagisil just laughs at the itch. The only thing that helps is an antihistamine pill. And y'all KNOW how I hate to take pills. I'm beginning to understand why dogs scoot on the carpet.

Sweaty used to show up just when I'd done something worth sweating over, like housework or sex. Now all I have to do is think about exerting myself and you'd think I'd run a marathon.

Bloaty. I'm not really sure when Bloaty shows up. It's hard to tell anymore, since my waistline took a hike about 10 years ago.

Sleepy. Always. I could stay in bed around the clock if I didn't have to get up and feed the cats. I can't seem to get enough sleep lately. It's been 2 years since I was able to watch a movie from beginning to end. I sit down on the couch, put my feet up, and before the opening credits are done, I'm out like a light. For hours.

Leaky is the one who really likes to make trouble. God forbid I sneeze or cough unprepared anymore. I thought once I got 'fixed', I'd never have to ride the cotton pony again. Boy was I wrong...Still riding, just not a pony anymore. More like an old nag.

Weepy. Gosh, what a drama queen she is! She cries over everything. She cries watching kittens play. She cries over Extreme Home Makeover. She cries over the final rose and she cries for all the American Idol contestants. She is getting annoying.

Bitchy. This is the one who scares me the most. I find myself saying things to people that I never would have said before she came to live with me. Things that a nice Southern girl just wouldn't dream of saying. Sometimes I don't even like me. If I'm not supposed to be 'changing' then who am I going to blame HER on??

Poor Dave. Pray for him.