I Now Pronounce You ......

....BROKE!!!


Since when did weddings become these huge sit-down-dinner, all-night-long affairs?


Reality TV addict that I am, I've been watching this show called Four Weddings. In case you haven't seen it, there are 4 brides who attend each other's weddings and then rate their 'overall experience' on a scale of 1-10. Then they critique the dress, the venue, and the food. Everything is added up later and the winner gets to watch her groom step out of a limo with flowers and a card telling them where they are going on a dream honeymoon. Which is a good thing, because after these horribly expensive affairs, who can afford a honeymoon?

Oh my garsh, you should see some of these weddings. They start out with a fairly  normal ceremony. The 3 'guest brides' usually have something nasty to say about the weather or the decorations or the seating. Then they move into 'cocktail hour'. What the hell?!?!? Cocktail hour???? Appetizers and some sort of silly 'signature drink' that was created especially for the bride and groom. This is where the guest brides really unload their opinions. One bad cocktail hour can ruin their whole 'overall experience'.

Then it's on to the reception, where we get a fist-pumping entrance by the newlyweds. Sometimes the new Mrs. has even changed her dress so that she can get her groove on. When a wedding dress costs a minimum of $2000 (See: Say Yes To The Dress) who can afford a second dress?


And that's another thing....when did wedding dresses lose their meaning? They were supposed to show the bride as sweet and innocent and virginal, even if she was a Bridezilla.  Now they all have that horrid mermaid shape that only looks good on 2% of the population, I don't care how proud you are of your 'curves' (AKA: tits) Who can sit in one of those, much less dance? And WHITE, ladies. Not red, not turquoise, not black.....white.

Back to the reception....it's time for dinner. Dinner. When did a wedding reception start requiring a sit down dinner...with your choice of entrees? Steak, chicken or fish. With potatoes and a veg on the side. Oh and if it comes to the table less than piping hot and perfectly seasoned, you can bet those 3 guest brides will have plenty to say about it.

Dinner is followed by a few hours of music chosen by some random DJ for the sole reason of getting all the drunken masses out on the dance floor to sweat out some of the free booze.Whatever happened to a nice waltz or the Father's dance or even the bride and groom swaying back and forth, trying not to step on toes, and gazing into each other's eyes, oblivious to the crowd around them? 

So..now it seems that the average small wedding costs at least $10,000 and lasts most of the afternoon and into the night. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'd rather have a simple ceremony and reception, and spend the rest of it on the honeymoon.


When I got married in 1972, in my beautiful white A-line dress, there was no cocktail hour, no DJ, no sit down dinner. My guests came because they wanted to share our happiness, not be spoiled and entertained. My reception lasted maybe 30 minutes. We cut the cake, the guests were served cake, punch, mixed nuts and butter mints. All on one plate....keep the line moving please, we've got better things to do than hang around and entertain everyone. Like leaving for our dream honeymoon at the Desert Village Motel out on Highway 80 West. Wonder how the guest brides would score that?